it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
