Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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