I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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