i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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