Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
