just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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