Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
