I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
