Tell her she can't have a vagina
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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