All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
