yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
