You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
