I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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