I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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