The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You can't motorboat a personality
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
