Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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