I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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