My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize