Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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