Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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