I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We don't watch enough power rangers
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
