just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
