Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
