I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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