I feel great
I just peed on a car
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize