I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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