your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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