Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
