We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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