mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
