Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
