Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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