shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
