all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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