Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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