i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize