if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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