i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize