the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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