For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
