nut hugger
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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