Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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