you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
