Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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