Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So many bounce houses so little time
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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