Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
