I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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