Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
