Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
