Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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