When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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