sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
