I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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