then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
