Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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