??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Randomize
