does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
