i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
