Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
