Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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