Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
