so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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