I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
