just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
