My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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