@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
