PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
