this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
