Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
is wine microwaveable?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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