Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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