after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
