I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
