I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I deserve this hangover.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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