You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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