I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
