Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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