just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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