she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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