I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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