please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
