you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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