I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just cut my nipple shaving
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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