I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
