How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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