Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
