please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
and you fell through a lawn chair
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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