Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
