They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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