He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize