So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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