He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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