dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize