That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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