We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Two words: blizzard sex
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize