i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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