Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize