I can text with my tongue
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
