The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
