HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Screwed.edu
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can you repeat that, but with context?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
