Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
