so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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