i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
