You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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