So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
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