I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
