No, drunk sperm still make babies.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
