I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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