i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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