I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
